A Pre-year 2013 ender reflection

I am now a mother. A mother of three in fact. And I now know what my mother underwent having three kids and all. I don't remember complaining about her (or about my father as well) for not having time with us because she was or they were a working Mom/Parents after all.

But not because we are not complaining means that we are OK with it. And I've gone through it, so I think I know, in a way, how my kids feel.That is why, since I am encountering the same problem as hers, I decided to do something about it. Nope, I didn't resign or quit. I just did some extra itsy-bitsy tiny-winy efforts.

My kids goes to school from Monday until Friday. And I go to work on Saturday until Wednesday. Meaning if they are at home, I am not and if I am, they are not. So it is difficult for us to spend quality time together.

So I made out a plan.

Monday and Tuesday after work, since my husband is not working, we spend quality time. Not really big. Just eating out, going to mall, walk in the woods, visiting street of Paris, just the small stuff. Just making a moment for them to have a conversation with us and us, hearing how their days went  or re-hearing stories about school, friends, any circumstances about their life or anything under the sun.

 

And on Friday, since its one of my days off, I decided to volunteer to accompany the class of my son to go to the gym which is a few minutes walk from school and stay with that class for three hours. It gives so much pleasure for my son to see me for himself every Friday. I know, I can see his blinding smile every time. 

And once a month I also accompany the class of my youngest daughter to go either to the "ludotheque" or "mediatheque" or even just to anywhere else. Although I am not sure if she's as happy as his brother, because she's not showing it. She's very different. 

And on Wednesday after work, I accompany my eldest to go to the " conservatoir de la musique" for her guitar lessons and walk with her going home. (I confess, this year I had a hard time spending quality time with my eldest and I won't make excuses for
it. But I promise that I will do better next year.)

Every opportunities that arises, I grab it. Like if the school ask if there is a parent who can accompany them to the an excursion in the forest and I am available, it will be my hands waiving to say, "pick me, pick me." I don't want to be a stage mother but what can I do, I need to create opportunities for myself to be there for my kids.

Small efforts, small gestures, tiring, yes because I spend mostly the days that I should be resting doing something else. But that something else is doing the best thing for my kids. And those best things made them smile.

Here are some collages of happy days this 2013.

As what I always believe in : We create our own happy memories and it's those happy memories that creates who we become as a person. - Romela Pambid

 

Season's greetings

I always believed that through each greetings that we give out to anybody can bless them in our own little way. So let me extend to you our family's greetings for this Christmas season (2013).

I should have

Social media has greatly changed our views of the humanity. Not only it brings us closer to the other part of the of world, it also helps update us to what is happening around the globe. Yes, it also have disadvantages but people will also agree with me that it also have some benefits for everyone. Social media like facebook, tweeter, instagram or youtube, widens our horizons, opening our eyes to the issues that affects humanity, challenges us do see different things in life and sometmes brings us inspiration wherein one can learn a life's lesson.

I chance upon a video posted by a friend in Facebook, (one of popular social media of this generation aside from tweeter and instagram). Unluckily, I don't know if the link will work on my blog because it is not found in youtube. If not, well, I'll just describe what's in that video entitled "dance like nobody is watching," a grandmother around 65-70 of age dancing her heart out to the tune of rolling in the deep by Adele out on the street. Just like the title said, she dances like no one else is watching, and I realized one thing: I should have danced more in my 38 years of my life

.

In my life, I leave a little space for regrets. I firmly believe that things that I experienced and choices that I made were, at that moment, the best for me or what I though was the best for me. Though as I said, regrets has a little space in my heart, I still have those "I-should-have-done-that," momeints of my life.

I can't say that I love dancing but I can dance (according to my standard). But I cannot say that I am a great dancer, just a "so and so" dancer. In my memory, dancing is not an opportunity that I always grab unlike singing. Between dancing and singing, singing was the opportunity that was always given to me. But since I am timid and lacks confidence in what I do, I often sing when nobody is around. So singing (in front of other people) is also included in my "I-should-have-done-that." moment. 

Laugh. I should have done this more often. When I was younger, I was not really a loner but I am more of a serious type of person. Friends (close friends) I rarely have them. You can count my friends in the fingers of my hand - my right hand or left hand alone. Since I can not laugh alone (for I don't want people to think that I'm crazy) and I don't go out as often as I could with my friends when I was younger, I rarely laugh too. I am a thoughtful person - meaning I like thinking a lot. I love to keep to my self. That's why I am secretive.But I laugh more now than before but still, I should have laughed more.

Write more. Listen to music more. Study more. Exercise more. Swim more. Travel more. Read more. Love more. Pray more. Play more. Build relationship more. Spend quality time with my husband and kids more often.  Create more of happy memories. Take more photos. Socialize more  Explore the other side of me more.

I should have done all these like nobody is watching.

But as I always say, as long as you're alive nothing is too late. So I will do just that. I will do all these because it is not too late. I will do all these "I-should-have-done-this," moment of mine to leave a lesser place for regrets in my heart.

Gaining weight

Summer Vacation 2013

Baby no more...

It's 2 o'clock in the morning yet I can't sleep. Tomorrow is a very big step for my youngest. It's September 3, 2013 a Tuesday, she'll be going to school, yet she's not yet 3.

I am nervous for her. I never felt like this with her two other siblings. With her two other siblings, I was excited for them, but for her, it's anxiousness and fear. Not that I am not excited for her. I am but...

I always fear the unknown, that's why I'm the type of person who will plan ahead, who will always do a "to-do list," "what-to-buy-list," "where-to-go list" and all those lists. I know that she will do well BUT... those "BUTs" are still popping in my head.

Let me explain to you first why I feel this way.

Early this year, I thought I was going to lose her. She had convulsions. Series of convulsions. She had 14 convulsions in a span of 12 hours and those convulsions didn't stop there. It continues on her second day at the hospital. She stayed for over a week at the hospital and as a mother, I want to know why. I have the right to know why. And as a nurse (although I don't practice this profession right now), I can only believe in what I can explain when it comes to one's health specially when we're talking about my kids health.

First few days, I will understand that you can't explain all to me yet, for there are still other examinations to do. Results of initial examinations were not yet released. But after a week, I will expect you to give me something. Something I can assure myself that, "Ahhh, this is what she had, that's why she had these..." So I would know what to do next. So I will know how to help my daughter ease her pain. So I will know how to handle situations that will arise from this. But nothing they said re-assured me. At the end of her stay, when they said that she can go home, I told them, "you'll letting her go but you can't or didn't even explain to me why she was here in the first place?" They simply told me that she had a virus that caused her convulsions.

I immediately seek a second opinion. And the doctor found out that her cranial size is way below the normal curve. There's a probability that that caused her convulsions.

Micro-cephaly. It is a condition wherein a child's head is smaller than normal for an infant of that age and gender. Most of them have small brains and retardation.

My daughter has a small head. But her development are, for me, more than ok. She started walking at 10 months. She talks small words like "mama" and "papa." before her fist birthday. She eats by herself, climbs jumps, dance and sings just like any normal kid of her age. Although she's so small for her age and her character is so strong that she does things on her own and she can cry for hours and hours non-stop. When she has tantrums, no one can approach her. Not that we're scared of her, but she'll do things that will make you step back. Besides those, we didn't observe any retardations or what-so-ever.

Her doctor said that there is a very slight percentage that micro-cephalic children will have normal intelligence and develops normally just like any other kids of their age except that they develops slower and are smaller than them. They are just children with "small heads" but still, they are categorized as Micro-cephalic. A very slight percentage. I am hoping that my child falls in that category.

For if not her future will be "unknown." There is no treatment for micro-cephaly. Kids with this condition requires frequent examinations and testings.

And as I said, I have fear of the unknown. I don't know what her future will bring her. I am not sure, if one day she can still go to the school that she'll be attending to. I am not sure, if one day she can still eat by herself, climbs, jumps, dance and sings just like any normal kid of her age. That's my greatest fear.

It's now half past 3 in the morning, yet I am still awake. Staring into the darkness... into the unknown.

My husband besides me is still fast asleep. Of course, he's the "Mister Optimistic" of this house. He always tells me "not to worry too much." and the "we'll-cross-the-bridge-when-we-get-there," stuff. Yet, I can never be re-assured. But I'll take his advice.

I'll take it one at a time. I'll enjoy my daughter just as what she is right now. I'll be excited for her just as she is excited to go to school. I'll play with her, dance with her, sing with her, talk with her and imagine and dream with her. Even most of these I can't really do well. I can even pretend to have imaginary pets just like her and just for her. For this is the only thing that I can do for her for the moment, to "be with her," every step of the way. I'll be there for her just as I am there for her other siblings. I can only offer her myself and my time. I hope it will be enough.

I need to get some sleep, busy day tomorrow as you know it's the first day of school.

Good night (or is it Good morning?).

My birthday reflection

Just the two of us

Alone

There's a time for everything as the saying goes.  For more than half of my life, since I was 16, precisely 21 years ago, I have never been alone. My boyfriend turned husband was always with me in every step of the way. From highschool to college to leaving Philippines and living in France. He was always there for me and with me. I was never alone.

And when I had kids of my own the idea of being alone completely vanished  in my vocabulary. Sometimes even in my "private moment," a little person would be banging on the door to let her/him in.

Watching movies, doing groceries, shopping or eating out, I am always with someone. It is either him or our kids or a friend. I haven't been alone in a long time.

I was envious of people who can do things for themselves. I have a friend who can even watch a movie by herself while me, on the other hand can't even go outside without asking someone to accompany me. I was so used to having someone with me that I can't even decide what to buy for myself. I always needed someone else's opinion before I buy the things that I want or needed.

I am not saying that being with someone is a bad thing, but I am just wondering how does it feel to be alone.

So as we celebrate our country's independence today June 12  (Philippines' Independence Day), I am also celebrating my own independence day.

I went out, eat alone and bought something for myself without consulting someone else's opinion or advice. And I felt... hallow at first, yet afterwards,  I felt good about myself and proud too. I did things on my own for a very long, long time.

I didn't feel confident as I walk out of the door and decided to go by myself.  But as time passes, I realized that there are so many things that I can enjoy even being alone. And that I don't have to worry if my decision to buy things would make someone else happy or not. The most important thing is if it makes me happy. I promise myself to do this more often.

But for now let me just go back to the little person that I missed while being away for the whole day.

First family "gala" for 2013 at Etretat, France

Long walks, breath of fresh air and joy rides, those are what my family needs from time to time. The need to get away from all the chaos of our routine daily situations. Just to get away, even for a day or two clears our head and renew our strength as a family and gives us courage to face another day.

So last week-end we went to Etretat, Normandy. A little town just on the north east of France. 2 hours and 40 minutes from Paris.

 

(Pont de Normandie)

Normandy itself, in general is a wonderful region for a week end get away. There are lots of things to do and to visit in this region. There are the beaches that can be found in Deauville and Trouville. The lovely port of Honfleur and Dieppe. The famous house and garden of the great artist Monet at Giverny. Also the famous church of Lisieux where Saint Thérèse of Infant Jesus lived and buried. And of course, the breath taking Mont Saint Michel. Not to mentions the lines of "chateaux," gorges, hills and stunning scenery in the midsts of nature.

But our main interest this time is not really the beaches (although it is just beside the beach), nor the churches (although there is one sitting on top of the cliff) or the paintings (although Monet also depicted these in his painting), but what they call one of God's accident when He was making some cliffs. Let me introduce you to these cliffs who are famously known as the "Les Falaises d'Etretat."

 

(Falaise De La Manneport)

 

 (Falaise D'Amont)

  

(Falaise D'Aval) 

Etretat is a small village but really a work of wonders. From the beaches, to the cliffs, to the houses, to the markets, to restaurants and to little things that you can discover while walking its streets.

It belongs to the department "Seine-Maritime." But despite of its allure and beauty,  its population is dropping over the years and as of 2009, it is just a little over 1502 habitants.

 It's history is full of stories. From the story of the origin of it's name, to stories of vikings, to friendships built during the war, to famous painters capture by its beauty they need to depict it in their works,  from writers who used the cliffs and needles as legendary settings in their books, to the chapel on th cliff and ending to a story of mysterious disappearance of famous French aviators.

The name, "Etretat," itself is of mysterious origin and boundless stories were formulated from it.  The name was found to be of Scandinavian origin. And it was an evolution from the words "Estrutat, Estrutard or Strutard." But I don't want to be known as a know it all for I won't be able to tell you any of these, for I am not really an expert. But if you are interested in knowing the history of the word itself just google it, like I did.

Once, it has been told in a legend that the village of Etretat was founded after a Viking invasion. Once a fishing village, it turns out to be one of presents' day tourist destination.

 

(A "caique," said to be inherited from the viking ship)

The covered town market  that was built in 1926 stood almost in the middle of this town. You will notice an American flag besides the French one. This is to commemorate their gratitude for the help they receive (both from the British and Americans ) during the 1914-1918 war.

   

(The covered market with it's written history found on its door)

Etretat also is the home of the famous but fictional "gentleman thief," named Arsène Lupin. Its' french novelist Maurice Leblanc, made this fictional character in one of the houses built on the street of Guy de Maupassante, Etretat. It is said that the writer, wrote 20 series of this character and 5 authorized sequel by a writing team. It's famous character were long lived and compared to the success of Sherlock Holmes in the English countries. (I didn't have the chance to take a photo of the house of Maurice Leblanc, that serves as a museum for the fictional character Arsène Lupin)

(Le clos d'Arsène Lupin. Note: This particular photo was taken from and owned by Wikipedia)

Standing beside the cliff of Aval is the L'Aiguille Creuse (The hallow Needle), where Maurice Leblanc established the legendary refuge of his famous fictional character Arsène Lupin. 

 

(Falaise d'Aval with L'Aiguille Creuse)

Since the French impressionist Claude Monet spent his later life at Giverny also a part of Normandy, "les falaise d'Etretat" also captured his attention thus led to some of his works using these subjects.

 

On top of the "Falaise d'Amont," one can see a Chapel made out of stones built in 1854 built by the fishermen of this town dedicated to their patron saint, the Holy Virgin thus it's name: Notre Dame de la Garde. But it was destroyed in 1942 by Nazi Invasion and was rebuilt in 1950.

(Notre Dame de la Garde)

Behind this chapel is an arrow-like monument (most people thought it as a sun dial), but it was built to pay homage to the French aviators Chareles Eugène Jules Marie Nuingesse and François Coli. They boarded "L'Oiseau Blanc," (The White Bird) in the attempt to make the first non-stop transatlantic flight from Paris to New York. The White Bird took of on the 8th of May 1927 and was sighted once more over Ireland before mysteriously disappearing. This site is where their airplane was last sighted here in France.

Etretat can be summed up in few words. In the midst of simple village lies great treasures one can only hold in its hearts. I quote again, "For me, it's one of God's wonderful accidents when Heas making cliffs around the little town of Etretat."

Let the photos show to you why I said such words.

 

(Church on top of the cliff)

(Sun set)

 (Pebbles)

(Another sun-set)

                             (Coffee after lunch)

(263 steps going up or going down, or you can do it by car)

Another door closes

Toad hall closes its doors for guests of Disneyland Paris from the 4rth of March until the 26th of June 2013. There would be renovations of the counter and the kitchen.

 

But of course, what does it means for me?

 

Our last day at Toad hall means only one thing, that we would be transfered to other restaurants and this thought left us feeling "uneasy." Uneasy for we really don't know what to expect in other location. I felt all through out our last day, that we were all in the silent mode. Maybe contemplating or maybe trying to measure what we really feel. Are we happy about the changes that were coming all so rapidly on our way? Or we just don't care.

 

But the silence spoke louder than words. In our hearts we will miss Toad Hall even if it is just for four months. And IF, the management still wants us or not.

 

The equipe of Toad Hall is so small that most of us think of it as a family rather than a working place which is not really normal in any establishement here in France. But most of us became friends more than colleagues and I think that brought  the"separation anxiety" even harder to each and everyone.

 

But as I always say to my kids, "there would be no hellos in our life, if there is no goodbye." So goobye Toad hall... at least for now.