My 46th birthday reflection

My wellness journey with Coach Jane

I started this "wellness journey," with a lot of hesitations, questions and mostly self-doubt.

You see, I am a person who doesn't want to seek any help even if I am in a most difficult situation. I don't want people to pry on my private life (in what I am, in what I do and specially in what I eat. Duh!)

I don't want to be in the center of the spotlight, the focus of the attention. No, not I. I prefer to be the one behind the scene, hiding my "beauty" (or "worth," if you can't find me beautiful) in the shadows, hide myself behind the camera or behind someone else (mostly behind my kids, on the arms of my husband or in the comfort of my oversize sweaters, wind breakers or jackets).

Twenty years ago, I had my first child, I was 26 years old at that time and weigh 56 kilos (123.2 lbs), an almost ideal weight. I was thinking after few months, I can go back to my ideal weight (For my height, it's 50 kilos (110 lbs). 13.2 lbs is not hard to lose. You'll see.

14 years ago, had my second, my weight went up to 63 kilos (138.6 lbs.), it didn't bother me. 

10 years ago, had my third child, my weight at that time became 68 kilos (149.6 lbs.) And from then on my weight did not stop. Every year, I gained a few kilos more, a few inches more.

Until 2020, I am at 85.5 kilos. Unhealthy food became my best-friend. The more I eat, the more I hid myself.

And I developed the worst attitude a person can have, the  "je-m 'en-fou-attitude." (I-don't-care-attitude). As long as I can do what I want, my family is happy, I am happy, nobody can tell me what to do and I always believe that nobody can change me, only me. Which is actually true!

During those times that I direct my camera's lenses and the spotlight towards my kids and my husband. I didn't find anything wrong with that for they are "my-reasons-why." 

But as I focused my attention towards them, I realized something. Although I was able to laugh with them, I regretted not having the energy to play with them.

Jumping on trampoline, playing the jumping rope, running and dancing with them… all these leaves me breathless. Literally breathless, for after those activities, for sure I'm having, either, an asthma attack, arrhythmia or hypertension 'cause these are all my health condition. 

It hit on me! I'm only 45 going on 46, my age is not that old, yet I can't even do these things for my kids. (I hid in the excuse that "I am the better photographer," in the family that is why most of the time, I'm not in the photo).

And so this year, I decided to put the light, not on "me" per se, but on my health, which means it includes, the whole physical, mental and spiritual self. I want to see me in front of the camera. 

For this year 2021, on the month of January (my actual weight at that time is 79.5 kilos) I decided to be more active. But it's hard for me to be consistent because I feel alone in this journey (although my husband is also doing the same thing but still… I can't pin point what's the problem) and temptations are more often stronger than I. And more often than not, I cheat. And will reason out, I can exercice again tomorrow. I can do it all over again tomorrow. I can re-start again tomorrow. But tomorrow, I realized,  are endless. After tomorrow, there will be another tomorrow. 

Although at the end of April I already lost 5 kilos since January (which I don't want to find back, let the lost be lost), but still I find it very difficult to stay on track and to stay focused on my goal which is to regain my health back.

Then Coach Jane created the FAFS (Fit and Fab Sisters Group) and they invited me to that group.

Honestly, my initial reaction: my right eyebrow went up. 

Knowing me, I will not be a part of this. I cannot acknowledge my health and weight problem nor share it. (Even if it already shows without me even telling them.) 

All hesitations also came to mind, all the "what ifs? and can I?" I was already telling myself, I'm already on to it on my own, why will I need to join? So I plan not to give in to them. And my brain started listing down excuses that I can come up with, if they will ask again. 

And as expected, Coach Jane  (and some sisters in the group) asked again, not only twice but more than that. 

Coach Jane is persistent, she didn't give up on me. I bombarded her with my excuses but still she insisted. (That's why I know she's bulletproof.) She asked me to just try it and told me to think of, "my reasons why." And that hit the spot… 

Think… of… my… reasons… why… 

And in the end, I erased all the list of excuses that I come up with and told myself, even if I fail at least I tried (But my head was screaming, if you don't succeed at least you can blame her and not yourself. What an evil thought, it's meant to be a joke and I didn't really thought about that.)

So my Wellness Journey with Coach Jane begun. 

I started May 3, 2021 with 75.2 kilos (165.44 lbs). Measurements: Chest: 45.5 inches, Waist: 40 inches, Hips: 41.5 inches.

Fast forward to now, my weight is down to 65.6 kilos (144.32 lbs). Measurements: Chest 40 inches, Waist: 33 inches, Hips: 37 inches. 

Far from perfect. (Toooooo fffffaaaaaarrrr!)

BUT what I've learned in this wellness journey with Coach Jane is not the importance of what the weighing scale dictates, but it is more on the importance of how my health has improved (losing weight is just a bonus). 

It's seeing myself in front of the camera again instead of hiding behind it. The confidence it gave me is a full 360° change. 

Being able to enjoy playing with my kids again is the most precious gift the program has given me. 

I was worried because I know that there are a lot of things I need to give up and sacrifice. Like, she knows that I love baking for my loved ones, so she found a healthy and alternative way for me to still enjoy doing so. It did not limit me from what I can do for my family, but instead, it opened new possibilities. 

The program didn't only reboot my metabolism, but it rebooted my entire lifestyle. 

Coach Jane didn't asked me to go on a "diet," but she guided me to a healthy food selection. So I'm still eating 3 times a day but with the right quantity, with the right ingredients and at the right time. I never felt being deprived or hungry.  

She makes a list of protocols that serves as a guide that helped me make a better decision in regards to the food that I will eat. These protocols are clear, well explained and easy to follow. 

The weekly challenges she gave is always appropriate to my health condition. She will not give me anything that is beyond my physical abilities. She will always ask, "Mi, kaya ba?" ("Mi, can you do it?")

Sometimes, my hesitating brain will always question the efforts that I do, but Coach Jane always help me realize the value of small changes that is happening to my body, to my personal life and also the positive effect it gives my family.

Same pants, same t-shirt, same person or not!

What's the biggest realization I had through this, is that, it is better when you have a support group. They are not there to criticize you. They are there to go through the same road with you. Some may walk faster than you or some slower but still, you're walking on the same road with them. I never felt that I was on my own. Everyone in this group serves as a fuel for me to go on and move forward.

This is a 90 days program (and we are now on day 77), and it's still a long way to go before I can reach my goal. But even if the 90 days are over, I know that I can still continue and progress because this wellness journey was able to help me built and established a better pattern of acquiring good habits. 

Another good thing in this program is that even if you fail, you know that you can get up again because she (and the other sisters) are going to push you back on your feet again. So there will be no fail in this wellness journey with Coach Jane.

I'm not yet finished with this journey but I'm forever grateful!

____________________________

NB: And by the way, I'm not the only one benefiting the result of this program. My husband who is diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes since 2001 which gradually turn into diabetes Type 2 and had an eye complication in 2018 (retinopathy) causing him to loose his left eyesight, had 4 times a day insulin injection at 48 units/injection. Now, he's on a once a day injection with 30 units. (His weight from 94.9 kilos down to 84.0 kilos, just like I said, losing weight is just a bonus.) So this wellness Journey with Coach Jane also became a family affair.